I heard a very shocking stories tonite. Well, it’s not that shocking but still when it involves some ones I know, it’s shocking. I choose not to believe, I choose to stay in this naïve world I build that everybody I know (and I love) would just never be that kind of guys.
However, if by any slight chance, it’s true, dearests, I hope you will never ever fall for it. I hope God protection and blessing upon your every step forever in your life. Though I know that all of it is your call, and I know to love somebody is not always to keep him save from danger. Sometimes, you just have to let him fall to be more stronger and know how to pull out himself together.
I just can’t have this mind that you will fall for it. Cause it will just never ever be satisfied. The more you have it, the more you want it again and again. Dearest, please take care. Please have your mind set up before you choose to fall for it. Dearests, please…just consider it thoroughly before you ever decide…Please…
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Untuk Ami
Ami, dahulu kau pernah bertanya padaku, “mengapa orang bercerai?” Aq tahu duka itu masih membayang di matamu. Duka yang sama yang juga membayang-bayangi hidupku. Tetapi dulu kita masih muda, kita masih naif, masih bermimpi tentang cita dan cinta.
Ami, saat ini aq mengerti walaupun tidak bisa menerima. Aq tau mengapa orang yang dulu saling mencintai bisa saling menyakiti. Karena bahagia selamanya itu hanya ada dalam dongeng-dongeng kanak-kanak yang sering kita baca dulu. Karena waktu bisa mengubah segalanya. Karena tidak ada yang bisa menjamin (diri sendiri sekalipun) bahwa cinta itu akan selalu ada. Karena hati atau kalbu, sesuai kata aslinya qulb sangat mudah berbolak balik. Karena waktu adalah makhluk tidak bernyawa yang berkuasa mengubah segalanya.
Ami, hatiku tersenyum untukmu bahwa kau telah menemukan seorang pria yang sangat luar biasa. Doaku terpanjat untukmu agar kau dan dia selalu bisa menjaga cinta kalian di jalan yang benar dengan cara yang benar.
Ami, segala yang terjadi di masa lalu biarlah menjadi bagian masa lalu. Bahwa kita mungkin menerima lotere cobaan berat, bukankah kita sudah sepakat, yang kita punya hanya doa dan harapan agar kita dan keluarga kita selalu dijaga, dijauhkan dari marabahaya, dan hidup bahagia. Sisanya adalah kehendak-Nya dan kita harus bisa selalu bersabar dan bersyukur.
Ami, bahagia itu memang harus datang dari dalam diri. Bukan karena kita dicintai, bukan karena kita mencintai. Jenak waktu ini membuka mata dan hatiku betapa banyaknya orang di dunia ini yang ingin membagi bahagianya untukku. Salah seorang temanku mengirimi aq puisi ini ami,
AFTER A WHILE
-Veronica A. Shoffstall-
After a while
you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn
that love doesn’t mean learning
and company doesn’t mean security
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plan
and futures have a way of falling down mid-flight
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure
You really are strong
You really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn
Dan aq sangat bersyukur karenanya.
Ami, genap satu setengah bulan lagi kau akan melepas masa lajangmu. Maafkan aq yang tidak bisa di sampingmu saat kau menyiapkan salah satu peristiwa terpenting dalam hidupmu. Maaf karena saat ini yang kupunya hanya doa untukmu.
Ami, aq belajar banyak hal dalam rentang waktu dua puluh tiga tahun ini. Bahwa menjadi dewasa bukanlah berarti kita harus selalu membuat keputusan yang benar. Menjadi dewasa berarti kita harus menghadapi semua konsekuensi dari pilihan kita. (credit to Ugly Betty)
Ami, di tengah-tengah kesibukanmu, bolehkah aq memintamu untuk menyisipkan suatu doa. Untukku, agar aq bisa selalu bersyukur menerima semua karuniaNya dan bersabar atas semua cobaanNya.
Ami, I know I will be okay…though there are still some promises broken, though there’s still a heart broken…(credit to my friend Swasti)
Cause this pain is inevitable, but still bearable…but I am not welcoming moaning, agonizing, wallowing whatsoever….I just need a moment…to heal and recover completely…
Ami, tunggulah aq, aq akan datang, pada hari pernikahanmu, dengan senyum mengembang di bibirku, dengan syukur di hatiku, dengan kepasrahan di dadaku….
Je t'aime…Ami…
Ami, bahagia itu memang harus datang dari dalam diri. Bukan karena kita dicintai, bukan karena kita mencintai. Jenak waktu ini membuka mata dan hatiku betapa banyaknya orang di dunia ini yang ingin membagi bahagianya untukku. Salah seorang temanku mengirimi aq puisi ini ami,
AFTER A WHILE
-Veronica A. Shoffstall-
After a while
you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn
that love doesn’t mean learning
and company doesn’t mean security
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plan
and futures have a way of falling down mid-flight
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure
You really are strong
You really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn
Dan aq sangat bersyukur karenanya.
Ami, genap satu setengah bulan lagi kau akan melepas masa lajangmu. Maafkan aq yang tidak bisa di sampingmu saat kau menyiapkan salah satu peristiwa terpenting dalam hidupmu. Maaf karena saat ini yang kupunya hanya doa untukmu.
Ami, aq belajar banyak hal dalam rentang waktu dua puluh tiga tahun ini. Bahwa menjadi dewasa bukanlah berarti kita harus selalu membuat keputusan yang benar. Menjadi dewasa berarti kita harus menghadapi semua konsekuensi dari pilihan kita. (credit to Ugly Betty)
Ami, di tengah-tengah kesibukanmu, bolehkah aq memintamu untuk menyisipkan suatu doa. Untukku, agar aq bisa selalu bersyukur menerima semua karuniaNya dan bersabar atas semua cobaanNya.
Ami, I know I will be okay…though there are still some promises broken, though there’s still a heart broken…(credit to my friend Swasti)
Cause this pain is inevitable, but still bearable…but I am not welcoming moaning, agonizing, wallowing whatsoever….I just need a moment…to heal and recover completely…
Ami, tunggulah aq, aq akan datang, pada hari pernikahanmu, dengan senyum mengembang di bibirku, dengan syukur di hatiku, dengan kepasrahan di dadaku….
Je t'aime…Ami…
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Enlightenment
I told u it’s hurt but you still do not stop…
For the very simple reason, I finally can understand why people got divorced, why men can have one nite stand with hos, why it’s so easy for men to have an affair though they already have children…
It’s so vivid right now…The difference that makes a man man and a woman woman (at least ordinary man and woman)
I finally understand though I still cannot accept it… And I pray to God for every single pain I have rite now, it can redeem for the pain I’ve caused…For every tear drop I have right now, God will give me someone who can be my shelter in this life and the life after
Unlike you, I don’t have the on/off switch button…But like you, I am only human that made a mistake…Either this is my redemption for the error I’ve done or this is the answer to my pray, I know I would be alright as long as God with me… (n I keep saying hasbunallah…)
I always love the way you love me…or now it becomes, I always loved the way you loved me…
For the very simple reason, I finally can understand why people got divorced, why men can have one nite stand with hos, why it’s so easy for men to have an affair though they already have children…
It’s so vivid right now…The difference that makes a man man and a woman woman (at least ordinary man and woman)
I finally understand though I still cannot accept it… And I pray to God for every single pain I have rite now, it can redeem for the pain I’ve caused…For every tear drop I have right now, God will give me someone who can be my shelter in this life and the life after
Unlike you, I don’t have the on/off switch button…But like you, I am only human that made a mistake…Either this is my redemption for the error I’ve done or this is the answer to my pray, I know I would be alright as long as God with me… (n I keep saying hasbunallah…)
I always love the way you love me…or now it becomes, I always loved the way you loved me…
Thursday, November 27, 2008
World Cup 2010
*************************************************************************************
Allen arrived at home without even really realizing how she got there. She took a bath to clean up all the tears dried on her face when some blur suddenly rush into her mind that made her taking a bath twice. She mistakenly took the body soap for the second time instead of the face soap. She couldn’t help not to yell to herself “Oh, come on…”
Her mission that night was to put everything into a black box, everything that they shared together. Within her currently, only left her first birthday gift, a bracelet, his gift, his mother gift, and the purse he gave her when she went to work for the first time. (A flash suddenly come up, if only I hadn’t worked there before, we might have been not in this condition). She shook her head harshly, and told herself not to pull out any memory for those past 3 years again. She also planned to put all their pictures and emails into the box, sealed it, and might be send it to the black hole, or may be Arizona was enough.
Almost midnite, all the pictures and the gift were all set. Now, it came the hardest part. She opened her email account and typed a word that had been an integral part of her life she could not imagine how to live without. Hundred emails came up. She knew that the easiest way was just remove all of them without even bother sorting them or even reading them. But then, we were really born as masochists. She read all the emails one by one. Some made her drew a smile, some made her burst into cry (alone in the middle of the nite, okay those were two rules broken to mend a broken heart).
One thing she realized was that how much she was loved. She knew she was not the easiest person to handle back then (not that now she was a better person though), stubborn, selfish, immature, childish, and full of hatred of life. All the bad things you found in a girl, she had it, just name it. And how he became so patient and restless to still love her was just another amazing thing she loved about him. And she knew to come up with the decision to be where he was staying now was not that easy. Full of struggling and pain she was sure. Now, she knew only one thing she could do. She would be really letting go and feeling happy for him. It was just another way to love somebody, to feel happy when the significant other was happy, with or without us by their side. The only thing she could do to show that she had really loved him or loved him (does it even matter?). Eventually, she closed her black box, seal it, and stumble upon what to do next. Where should she send it?
She really hoped her being crying didn’t wake up anybody that night as she would like to act as a real lady, put every emotion into a box, enjoyin the pain for herself, and not showing it to others. She knew that it would be another sleepless night. After her being cry and couldn’t go to bed, she could not imagine how her appearance would be the day after. But that didn’t even matter, nobody would notice it anyway. Not now. Not in this time. Not in this world.
Jaanu, Je träume de vous ces zwei jours. We are watching the World Cup 2010 together in our house. (allen smiled and said “yes, you and your wife are definitely gonna watch it together in your house there”)
*************************************************************************************
This world cup will be the 19th FIFA World Cup, which is scheduled to take place between 11 June and 11 July 2010 in South Africa. It will be the first time for the Confederation of African Football, leaving the Oceania Football Confederation as the only FIFA Confederation never to have hosted the event. South Africa was awarded the rights to host the tournament, defeating Morocco and Egypt. The only qualified time currently is South Africa as the host. The preliminary draw for the 2010 World Cup was held in Durban, South Africa, on 25 November 2007. The final draw for the 2010 FIFA World Cup will be staged in Cape Town, South Africa, in December 2009 at the Cape Town International Convention Centre.
Zakumi is the official mascot for the 2010 FIFA World Cup. It’s a leopard with green hair. (wew, really want one doll of it for sure). His name comes from” ZA”, the international abbreviation for South Africa, and “kumi”, a word that means ten in various African languages. There are tens venues which were used for this World Cup. The complete figure can be seen here.
Five new stadiums are to be built for the tournament (three new match venues and two new practice grounds), and five existing venues are to be upgraded. Construction costs are expected to be R8.4 bn. South Africa is also planning to improve its current public transport infrastructure within the various cities. (my fren said they just started to build it now)
Rumors have circulated in various news sources that the 2010 World Cup could be moved to another country. However, FIFA officials have repeatedly expressed their confidence in South Africa as host, and have stated that event will not be moved except in the event of a natural catastrophe. These rumors have been criticized by South Africa’s Deputy Finance Minister, saying that some have targeted the event to reflect their persistent negativity towards South Africa and Africa.
According to an article in Le Monde diplomatique. “More than $8bn has been budgeted for the building and upgrading of infrastructure for the football World Cup in 2010, including 10 stadiums and a high speed train. But almost none of the building or the money can be accessed by the poor who live in shantytowns without proper water, sanitation or electricity.”
(yes, I retyped everything from Wikipedia :P)
Well, let’s just wait and see…I might be still here in 2010. So, the official site for the World Cup 2010 is here
Masochist saga (part 2)
Allen arrived at home without even really realizing how she got there. She took a bath to clean up all the tears dried on her face when some blur suddenly rush into her mind that made her taking a bath twice. She mistakenly took the body soap for the second time instead of the face soap. She couldn’t help not to yell to herself “Oh, come on…”
Her mission that night was to put everything into a black box, everything that they shared together. Within her currently, only left her first birthday gift, a bracelet, his gift, his mother gift, and the purse he gave her when she went to work for the first time. (A flash suddenly come up, if only I hadn’t worked there before, we might have been not in this condition). She shook her head harshly, and told herself not to pull out any memory for those past 3 years again. She also planned to put all their pictures and emails into the box, sealed it, and might be send it to the black hole, or may be Arizona was enough.
Almost midnite, all the pictures and the gift were all set. Now, it came the hardest part. She opened her email account and typed a word that had been an integral part of her life she could not imagine how to live without. Hundred emails came up. She knew that the easiest way was just remove all of them without even bother sorting them or even reading them. But then, we were really born as masochists. She read all the emails one by one. Some made her drew a smile, some made her burst into cry (alone in the middle of the nite, okay those were two rules broken to mend a broken heart).
One thing she realized was that how much she was loved. She knew she was not the easiest person to handle back then (not that now she was a better person though), stubborn, selfish, immature, childish, and full of hatred of life. All the bad things you found in a girl, she had it, just name it. And how he became so patient and restless to still love her was just another amazing thing she loved about him. And she knew to come up with the decision to be where he was staying now was not that easy. Full of struggling and pain she was sure. Now, she knew only one thing she could do. She would be really letting go and feeling happy for him. It was just another way to love somebody, to feel happy when the significant other was happy, with or without us by their side. The only thing she could do to show that she had really loved him or loved him (does it even matter?). Eventually, she closed her black box, seal it, and stumble upon what to do next. Where should she send it?
She really hoped her being crying didn’t wake up anybody that night as she would like to act as a real lady, put every emotion into a box, enjoyin the pain for herself, and not showing it to others. She knew that it would be another sleepless night. After her being cry and couldn’t go to bed, she could not imagine how her appearance would be the day after. But that didn’t even matter, nobody would notice it anyway. Not now. Not in this time. Not in this world.
Jaanu, Je träume de vous ces zwei jours. We are watching the World Cup 2010 together in our house. (allen smiled and said “yes, you and your wife are definitely gonna watch it together in your house there”)
*************************************************************************************
This world cup will be the 19th FIFA World Cup, which is scheduled to take place between 11 June and 11 July 2010 in South Africa. It will be the first time for the Confederation of African Football, leaving the Oceania Football Confederation as the only FIFA Confederation never to have hosted the event. South Africa was awarded the rights to host the tournament, defeating Morocco and Egypt. The only qualified time currently is South Africa as the host. The preliminary draw for the 2010 World Cup was held in Durban, South Africa, on 25 November 2007. The final draw for the 2010 FIFA World Cup will be staged in Cape Town, South Africa, in December 2009 at the Cape Town International Convention Centre.
Zakumi is the official mascot for the 2010 FIFA World Cup. It’s a leopard with green hair. (wew, really want one doll of it for sure). His name comes from” ZA”, the international abbreviation for South Africa, and “kumi”, a word that means ten in various African languages. There are tens venues which were used for this World Cup. The complete figure can be seen here.
Five new stadiums are to be built for the tournament (three new match venues and two new practice grounds), and five existing venues are to be upgraded. Construction costs are expected to be R8.4 bn. South Africa is also planning to improve its current public transport infrastructure within the various cities. (my fren said they just started to build it now)
Rumors have circulated in various news sources that the 2010 World Cup could be moved to another country. However, FIFA officials have repeatedly expressed their confidence in South Africa as host, and have stated that event will not be moved except in the event of a natural catastrophe. These rumors have been criticized by South Africa’s Deputy Finance Minister, saying that some have targeted the event to reflect their persistent negativity towards South Africa and Africa.
According to an article in Le Monde diplomatique. “More than $8bn has been budgeted for the building and upgrading of infrastructure for the football World Cup in 2010, including 10 stadiums and a high speed train. But almost none of the building or the money can be accessed by the poor who live in shantytowns without proper water, sanitation or electricity.”
(yes, I retyped everything from Wikipedia :P)
Well, let’s just wait and see…I might be still here in 2010. So, the official site for the World Cup 2010 is here
10 Things to Mend a Broken Heart
*************************************************************************************
Allen woke up early in the morning just to find her mind wandering along and she couldn’t even close her eyes. Her heart was still burning of the poison left unmarked the other day. It was more than a year now and many had happened but to eradicate the sting was just another thing. She knew right now only one cure to at least delay the poison penetration into her deeper soul, the holy book. The same cure she took last night that finally enable her closing her eyes.
Stranded in the limbo, what could be worse than this, she thought, though a lot of miserable things coming up in her mind. She knew she was ready to accept everything life would give her including the imagination of ending up alone. But yes, she was just only human. An ordinary woman that was now willing to give everything in her life to shed tears and weep crying in a fren’s hug. It reminded her of her best fren who hug her when she was crying for the very same reason years ago. For a moment, she drew a smile thinking how happy she was with her new family. But then she remembered that she had already decided to let go of everything. And really hated the feeling why the same reason, the same pain always coming back again. She was trying hard to stop cursing and taking her cure. One said that religion is just like a drug. Regardless debate over that matter, she couldn’t help not to agree. By this warm feeling, she went to bed and at last closed her eyes.
When she woke up, she did something she knew would just deepen her pain. Why do people enjoy torturing themselves so much? She knew and her fren told her that certain things need to be avoided not to worsen her pain. She can’t resist the temptation of hurting herself, as in pulling a knife into her wound and playing with it, burst into cry though she was alone.
She knew exactly right now that she might have been one kind of joke or one kind of conversation. To hell with the world, to hell with pride. This was just her try to relieve the pain, try to stop her mind wandering, and try to avoid the misery of other sleepless nights. That at one point, she was just a woman that would fall for this very same reason over and over again. She tried to enjoy the pain, kind of masochist but to relieve each pain, it started with facing it. Doing bloody hell of work didn’t make her feel better anymore. She knew it was just time that will heal everything though she couldn’t see where the bright future could come from. Thanks God it’s future. There will be always hope for those who trust. Cause distance and time do really mean something. They both kill pain as well as love. Love that can resist time and distance, she hopes to have. As much as she hopes this pain to vanish forever.
*************************************************************************************
I think the title saga didn’t go quite well with the text but I can’t think of another word for it. I want to say ‘hi’ to all single people out there who have their heart broken. I don’t know exactly how to mend a broken heart, but ‘drug’ might do some miracles. :D
I come to think for several things to start:
1. Pack things given by the significant other and other related people (the mother for instance) into a box (and throw it away)
2. Avoid going to fb, fs or whatsoever the social network your significant other and significant other’s significant other involved
3. Avoid people that might lead you to an awkward conversation about the significant other
4. Pray to God (or more realistic things tell your significant other) not to reveal your deepest secret
5. Bloody hell work sometimes helps
6. Never ever let your mind wandering in the middle of the night, thus bloody hell work help to exhaust you
7. Don’t listen to the melancholic love songs and don’t watch the love movies and don’t read love novels Those art people have a marvelous gift to touch you rite in the pain
8. Seize your life, every moment, every person
9. Make people happy by charity or whatever, the surrounding happy faces give you the positive aura that will lead you feeling better
10. The last, shouting out loud “I will be fine…I am okay…I know I will”
Good luck for that. And the last is to let all go. Really really letting go. I know that is not easy but it’s not impossible. Well, the most important thing is to take the first step to live your life to the fullest and everything else will hopefully follow.
Ganbatte kudasai!!!!!!!! Jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS: I am really sorry I ever broke your heart. I am really glad that you can clean up all mess I left. I am truly happy for you. Let the sad moment written on the sand for wind to wipe it away and happy moment craved on the cliff for time to eternally be there…
Also for my brother and my might-be in law in the future, life is too precious to be wasted because of somebody no matter how precious the somebody is
Masochist saga (part 1)
Allen woke up early in the morning just to find her mind wandering along and she couldn’t even close her eyes. Her heart was still burning of the poison left unmarked the other day. It was more than a year now and many had happened but to eradicate the sting was just another thing. She knew right now only one cure to at least delay the poison penetration into her deeper soul, the holy book. The same cure she took last night that finally enable her closing her eyes.
Stranded in the limbo, what could be worse than this, she thought, though a lot of miserable things coming up in her mind. She knew she was ready to accept everything life would give her including the imagination of ending up alone. But yes, she was just only human. An ordinary woman that was now willing to give everything in her life to shed tears and weep crying in a fren’s hug. It reminded her of her best fren who hug her when she was crying for the very same reason years ago. For a moment, she drew a smile thinking how happy she was with her new family. But then she remembered that she had already decided to let go of everything. And really hated the feeling why the same reason, the same pain always coming back again. She was trying hard to stop cursing and taking her cure. One said that religion is just like a drug. Regardless debate over that matter, she couldn’t help not to agree. By this warm feeling, she went to bed and at last closed her eyes.
When she woke up, she did something she knew would just deepen her pain. Why do people enjoy torturing themselves so much? She knew and her fren told her that certain things need to be avoided not to worsen her pain. She can’t resist the temptation of hurting herself, as in pulling a knife into her wound and playing with it, burst into cry though she was alone.
She knew exactly right now that she might have been one kind of joke or one kind of conversation. To hell with the world, to hell with pride. This was just her try to relieve the pain, try to stop her mind wandering, and try to avoid the misery of other sleepless nights. That at one point, she was just a woman that would fall for this very same reason over and over again. She tried to enjoy the pain, kind of masochist but to relieve each pain, it started with facing it. Doing bloody hell of work didn’t make her feel better anymore. She knew it was just time that will heal everything though she couldn’t see where the bright future could come from. Thanks God it’s future. There will be always hope for those who trust. Cause distance and time do really mean something. They both kill pain as well as love. Love that can resist time and distance, she hopes to have. As much as she hopes this pain to vanish forever.
*************************************************************************************
I think the title saga didn’t go quite well with the text but I can’t think of another word for it. I want to say ‘hi’ to all single people out there who have their heart broken. I don’t know exactly how to mend a broken heart, but ‘drug’ might do some miracles. :D
I come to think for several things to start:
1. Pack things given by the significant other and other related people (the mother for instance) into a box (and throw it away)
2. Avoid going to fb, fs or whatsoever the social network your significant other and significant other’s significant other involved
3. Avoid people that might lead you to an awkward conversation about the significant other
4. Pray to God (or more realistic things tell your significant other) not to reveal your deepest secret
5. Bloody hell work sometimes helps
6. Never ever let your mind wandering in the middle of the night, thus bloody hell work help to exhaust you
7. Don’t listen to the melancholic love songs and don’t watch the love movies and don’t read love novels Those art people have a marvelous gift to touch you rite in the pain
8. Seize your life, every moment, every person
9. Make people happy by charity or whatever, the surrounding happy faces give you the positive aura that will lead you feeling better
10. The last, shouting out loud “I will be fine…I am okay…I know I will”
Good luck for that. And the last is to let all go. Really really letting go. I know that is not easy but it’s not impossible. Well, the most important thing is to take the first step to live your life to the fullest and everything else will hopefully follow.
Ganbatte kudasai!!!!!!!! Jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS: I am really sorry I ever broke your heart. I am really glad that you can clean up all mess I left. I am truly happy for you. Let the sad moment written on the sand for wind to wipe it away and happy moment craved on the cliff for time to eternally be there…
Also for my brother and my might-be in law in the future, life is too precious to be wasted because of somebody no matter how precious the somebody is
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