Masochist saga (part 1)
Allen woke up early in the morning just to find her mind wandering along and she couldn’t even close her eyes. Her heart was still burning of the poison left unmarked the other day. It was more than a year now and many had happened but to eradicate the sting was just another thing. She knew right now only one cure to at least delay the poison penetration into her deeper soul, the holy book. The same cure she took last night that finally enable her closing her eyes.
Stranded in the limbo, what could be worse than this, she thought, though a lot of miserable things coming up in her mind. She knew she was ready to accept everything life would give her including the imagination of ending up alone. But yes, she was just only human. An ordinary woman that was now willing to give everything in her life to shed tears and weep crying in a fren’s hug. It reminded her of her best fren who hug her when she was crying for the very same reason years ago. For a moment, she drew a smile thinking how happy she was with her new family. But then she remembered that she had already decided to let go of everything. And really hated the feeling why the same reason, the same pain always coming back again. She was trying hard to stop cursing and taking her cure. One said that religion is just like a drug. Regardless debate over that matter, she couldn’t help not to agree. By this warm feeling, she went to bed and at last closed her eyes.
When she woke up, she did something she knew would just deepen her pain. Why do people enjoy torturing themselves so much? She knew and her fren told her that certain things need to be avoided not to worsen her pain. She can’t resist the temptation of hurting herself, as in pulling a knife into her wound and playing with it, burst into cry though she was alone.
She knew exactly right now that she might have been one kind of joke or one kind of conversation. To hell with the world, to hell with pride. This was just her try to relieve the pain, try to stop her mind wandering, and try to avoid the misery of other sleepless nights. That at one point, she was just a woman that would fall for this very same reason over and over again. She tried to enjoy the pain, kind of masochist but to relieve each pain, it started with facing it. Doing bloody hell of work didn’t make her feel better anymore. She knew it was just time that will heal everything though she couldn’t see where the bright future could come from. Thanks God it’s future. There will be always hope for those who trust. Cause distance and time do really mean something. They both kill pain as well as love. Love that can resist time and distance, she hopes to have. As much as she hopes this pain to vanish forever.
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I think the title saga didn’t go quite well with the text but I can’t think of another word for it. I want to say ‘hi’ to all single people out there who have their heart broken. I don’t know exactly how to mend a broken heart, but ‘drug’ might do some miracles. :D
I come to think for several things to start:
1. Pack things given by the significant other and other related people (the mother for instance) into a box (and throw it away)
2. Avoid going to fb, fs or whatsoever the social network your significant other and significant other’s significant other involved
3. Avoid people that might lead you to an awkward conversation about the significant other
4. Pray to God (or more realistic things tell your significant other) not to reveal your deepest secret
5. Bloody hell work sometimes helps
6. Never ever let your mind wandering in the middle of the night, thus bloody hell work help to exhaust you
7. Don’t listen to the melancholic love songs and don’t watch the love movies and don’t read love novels Those art people have a marvelous gift to touch you rite in the pain
8. Seize your life, every moment, every person
9. Make people happy by charity or whatever, the surrounding happy faces give you the positive aura that will lead you feeling better
10. The last, shouting out loud “I will be fine…I am okay…I know I will”
Good luck for that. And the last is to let all go. Really really letting go. I know that is not easy but it’s not impossible. Well, the most important thing is to take the first step to live your life to the fullest and everything else will hopefully follow.
Ganbatte kudasai!!!!!!!! Jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS: I am really sorry I ever broke your heart. I am really glad that you can clean up all mess I left. I am truly happy for you. Let the sad moment written on the sand for wind to wipe it away and happy moment craved on the cliff for time to eternally be there…
Also for my brother and my might-be in law in the future, life is too precious to be wasted because of somebody no matter how precious the somebody is
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