Factory Reset

I will go to a new city next week...
Quite a break from the exhausting life in Singapore...to a city where I would be the only one or so I thought...
Well...obviously, I am wrong...It's just another city where I would just be another woman...
Sigh...How I wish life had thing such as factory reset...or mind reset or whatever. The only request God didn't grant me...to have a spouse with clear and pristine history...So, I should somehow manage to handle it right? Or not?
I'd spent almost 15 years of my life living under other woman's shadow...God knows how hard it was for me...Why should I spend another years living under someone else's shadow?
If only it's that easy to move somewhere and start over...far from memories, far from the dark shadows from the past that keep me haunted...
The theme song for these days would be this one I think

I will see my family next week...see new places...have another wedding function...

And all I can think about is just those dark shadows...I hate myself

How we are fooled (by perspective)

http://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net

They who must not be named

Having a husband, it means having someone who voluntarily hears listens to you talking, chitchatting, murmuring and as a woman who has to speak around 200,000 words per day just to keep sane, I feel blessed having someone around to talk to. During the old depressive episodes, sometimes I greeted the otah seller or whoever around just to have someone to converse with.
Thank God now I have someone at home to talk to. And thank God that he has caring ears. He pays attention to every single little thing that I share, ranging from my daily activities to people's daily activities (that I see on Facebook). Since he doesn't have one, I frequently share who does what, the pictures, my opinion bout them and every teeny tiny thing I find. Everything except the two names that I shall never dare to mention till God knows when. Those two names who shall never be spoken under our family's roof.
Not that I didn't try to normalize they who must not be named. But every time I tried, it all backfired at me. Once, I tried to talk him to at least say "Hi" when they were in the same room, but he reluctantly agreed. In the end, he didn't do it. And seeing him feeling bad makes me feel bad. Anything related to they who must not be named never ends up in pH 7. It's either too acid or too alkaline and I have to put strong acid or strong base to neutralize it. So in the end, I stop. Maybe I'll try sometime later someday if the situation forced me to. Or I let God twist their faith again somehow. Or maybe, maybe, they would at last talk to him and give him peace which is one year overdue now. Right now, we just decided to walk past thru it. Sure, there are still some things that cannot be shaken off. He's an ordinary normal human being after all.
Well, like I said here, I've decided to trust him. He's already had some time and space to clear his head out of that mess before he asked me to marry him. Hence, when we got married, I decided to put those things behind us, where they should be. Honestly, it's hard. Sometimes, they who must not be named dragged us back to the past, but till date, we somehow manage to go back on track. The most important thing in our journey is me and him, I think. The rest is just black and dark shadow that we need to clear off.

Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei

We make choices every day...and our choices can be right or can be wrong...
Our choices will affect others, especially those who have close relationships to us
As a child, my parents have the final say...of where I'm studying, where I'm working, who I'm married...
As a wife, my husband has the final say...of almost every single detail of my daily life...
That's what I chose...He's who's chosen...

I can offer him insights, thoughts and considerations just like Zhuge Liang the great and smart military strategist advises Liu Bei
In the end, Liu Bei is the one who has the final word...and Zhuge Liang will faithfully follow...

Either the decision is right or wrong, he's Liu Bei...and I am Zhuge Liang
And I think that is how a marriage can work...

wikimedia.org

*kipas2 kayak Zhuge Liang*

Be Happy

Facebook

The suckiest thing facebook can do to you is when somebody you consider your friend posted photos of them having fun without you...it even sucks more than when you found out that the ex is befriending your in-laws.

Damn Facebook

Now the evangelist just has more the reason to make me quit facebook...
Just last nite he told me:
"I don't understand why you like facebooking. I notice that you always feel bad whenever you open it."
Well, my reason for Facebooking is that it's useful for those friends/acquaintances whom you want to easily contact but not to be too close.
Nevertheless, these days, it makes me more and more and more and more feel alienated...*menangis darah di pojokan ngurek2 pasir*

Me blabbing about PDA

Let's just settle one thing first. This is my personal opinion about PDA. It might annoy you, it might hurt you, it might make you hating me so I warn you...If you feel content with your PDA thingy and don't even care with what the rest of the world thinks, just turn around please. If you continue reading it and end up being annoyed...Well guess what, that's exactly what I feel when I saw PDA thingy post flooding my news feed. So, for the sake of whatever relationship we have, for the sake of the possibility that me considering you my dear friend, if you really okay with PDA, just turn around please :)

http://www.threeskins.com/acatalog/smi0664_s.jpg

If you can read this, it means you are in a way ignoring my warning...So, just please embrace yourself.

When I said PDA, what I mean is the public display of affection either online like on facebook or other social network per se or the 'real cuddling and kissing'. Well, I live in a country where such acts are quite common in public place. Not as horrible as in Western Europe or in US though. At least, people here still try to find the empty corners or dark areas to 'perform' PDA. (It kinda make me understand the reason my parents won't let us grow up in Western European country. It's just useless to sensor any kissing scene from your TV if your children can see it anywhere).

Anyway, I don't like seeing PDA...wkwkw...It irks me. Like I said earlier, some people in this country are decent enough to find empty corners or dark areas. That may be one positive side of this country. You don't just see teenagers smooching in an open area in a crowded mall. Though one occasion or another, I could see people showing PDA in the mall, MRT, bus, or university, and my instant response in mind is always

Get a room will you...

One I cannot run from is the online PDA as it's flooding my facebook news feed. It is seriously eerie when you see the intimate conversation or what's supposed to be meant only for two between husband and wife in a public area. The more eerie when they don't even married yet. My response is the same, get a room will you...well, by room I means SMS, Gtalk, YM, Skype, BBM, or whatever communication portal available for two that if your communication only meant to be read by the two of you.

I think the main problem is, the different agreement of the definition of intimacy. Some people might think to call your loved ones with a name only you can call is already an intimate thing. (i belong to this group). Some might think that it's not. Another problem is the different excuses reasons people come up with for PDA. Some might say it's just a form of sharing happiness to the rest of the world, some say it's the form of sharing happiness to the family (well, they might not know that there is another way to do this apart from posting it on facebook), some simply may say that they just want to show off...just like a little kid having a very expensive and one of a kind toy and he/she just shows it to his/her friends, mocks them...

Look look look...I have this while you don't...

It kinda confuse me though. If you feel content in a fulfilling relationship, why do you feel the urge of wanting a response by the rest of the world? I mean I kinda understand of the urge of having physical contact in offline PDA but to have people response on your online PDA, I cannot get any other explanation except for wanting to show off. Well, I don't mind people showing off as long as they don't mind to be considered of showing off.

Initially, I agree with my friend hypothesis that I feel jealous so I dislike PDA. That might be true when I was still single and that PDA thingy really annoys me...
However, once I got married, surprise surprise, it still irks me. Wkwkwk...